Excerpt for 101 Things First Time Dads Should Know About Baby: And All The Crap That Comes With Them by , available in its entirety at Smashwords


Mike Muldoon

Copyright © 2015 Mike Muldoon

All rights reserved.

ISBN: 9781370052707 (Tomangie LLC)

101 Things First Time Dads Should Know About Baby

And All The Crap That Comes With Them


To my wife, my daughter and life’s greatest teacher …. experience

And so the journey begins……

# 1

If your wife tells you during Baby’s birth “don’t look down there” and you do, she can’t get upset with you; it’s only natural curiosity and it’s kind of incredible to see Baby come into the world (Unless you have weak stomach)

# 2

When Baby enters the world – don’t be surprised if your first thought is “what’s up with the shape of its head?”

# 3

By having Baby you just signed up for an incredible journey - and a lifelong case of perpetual worry

# 4

After the first week at home with Baby - you will call your parents and apologize for EVERYTHING you have ever done to them

# 5

When changing Baby’s diaper - make sure you do not “stare down the barrel.” Work the perimeter because unbeknownst to you, novice baby caregiver, Baby is sending more on the way

# 6

Baby doesn't move around, takes up little physical space, but you will be astounded by how incredibly messy your home becomes throughout the day

# 7

The challenges of the first few weeks after Baby is born will make you think "one Baby...I can live with that"

# 8

During the night you will be so paranoid that Baby is not breathing you'll wake Baby (and then pray Baby goes back to sleep)

# 9

Family, friends, and strangers will tell you their advice and what you should do in regards to everything with Baby. Short of not feeding Baby, cleaning Baby and being an overall horrible human being to Baby – you can politely tell them to go f@(k themselves

# 10

The party no longer ends when the fat lady sings…it’s when Baby screams

# 11

You will become the annoying parents to all your fiends showing every picture and video you’ve ever taken of Baby

# 12

Be careful when visiting a friend’s home. As excited as they are to see you they won’t appreciate it when Baby vomits, craps, or pees all over their furniture

# 13

Baby will teach you why sleep deprivation is the ultimate form of torture

# 14

Contradictory information on handling Baby will be frustrating proving that, at times, no one knows anything about Baby

# 15

When Baby is ready to leave the house – EVERYONE must be ready to leave. Baby does not like to wait

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(Pages 1-11 show above.)